Frauenjager

For some time I've wanted to rant, I mean write about those players you often meet while vending. Unwinding after a long day of grinding your character choose to relax at Saint Morning's nearest corner giving a whole new meaning to the word kanto boy when you come across one of those players who you just wish you could PK with no consequences.

5. The Negotiator

Images of hostages being rescued as gorgeous men or women speak into their phones to talk to the villains usually enter our mind when this word comes to mind. But when it comes to MMORPGs few players are as annoying as this one.

Selling something for 5b? He’ll take it from you for 4b + any item he has. Oh, you agreed? Well guess what, now he wants it for 3.5 all with a smug grin as he screams take that from behind his screen while his emerald tinted snot dirties his keyboard.

How to deal with?

Remember that friend you borrowed that +9 ULGA from? And now for some reason he needs money or the item but you need it for that 48 hour grinding sessions with your girlfriend (another story for another day)? Well this is where the Negotiator makes money using his uptight ass.

But assuming you receive patience of Yoda-like proportions then this player is better off ignored.

4. The Middle-Man

Another of your shady deals is screwed up as your contact snitches on you. Your anger grows and you pick up your shotgun and blast away one of your cronies. You could have had what you wanted, if only that middle man functioned properly.

This is most annoying when you spend months vying for a single item with several other players only to have it go to someone with a lower bid.

The owner of the item suddenly decided to quit and sell off his assets, this is when a friend of his, the Middle-man enters. He tells you that all the bids reach the owner but for a small fee he could convince the owner to choose your bid. After all, he’s the one who manages the offers. A small fee would be sure to grease the wheels to a better deal (I just had to say that. Sorry). You just gave him the gift, oh wait someone put in a gift a bit more than what you give. Sucks.

How to deal with it?

Sorry, but you are by all means screwed on this one.

3. The Con-Man

A seemingly mundane item has fallen into your possession, you bought it for only three hundred pesos and now a mysterious man offers what seems to be a rare and ancient object in exchange for your belongings, oh and yes if you have to throw in that three hundred peso item. But wait, someone is looking for what he’s going to be giving you, and guess what. 1B BABY! HE’S LOOKING FOR IT AND BUYING IT FOR 1B! Profit! Profit! Profit! Oh wait, where did your buyer go?

Guess what. You just got scammed. By playing on your greed and your mind’s tendency to see only short term gain you ended up being taken advantage of. Yes, you may now scream your chubby little gamer ass off now. The one that had too much Cheetos and suffers from Adiktusdoritosis.

How to deal with it?

Sadly the current customer support policy doesn’t entertain scam reports. The least you can do is spread the tale of deceit that has permeated into your gaming life right? Nope. You’re screwed on that one too. Character assassination bites. You are totally fucked up on this one. Lick your wounds and plot your revenge.

2. The Inquisitor (Pseudo-Drama Queen/King)

It’s a good day. A good day indeed, and being the nice person that you are you take it upon yourself to help a player and spread the love. So someone comes along and asks you where you got that Red Dress. “Wow” she says “looks good! Where did you get it?” And still being nice you go on and answer. Now she’s asking if she could get it anywhere else, if you could help her, if you could tank her, she pauses to give you her e-mail address and add her up on Facebook (Yes. I’d be doubting by now), after you tell her that you do find her pretty she now gears up and starts asking more personal questions, your name, where you live, do you like coffee or tea, the color of your urine, the advantages of porcupines over hedgehogs, why you still haven’t taken the hint and given her the red dress yet, why you’re such a retard, why you’re being mean to her, why no one can really love her, why she’s now screaming and spamming all over Saint Morning as to why you are both a jerk AND a retard. Tough luck buddy.

How to deal with it?

I’d tell you, but she’s asking me why I’m saying so many mean things about him, I mean her.

1. The Marketeer (Taong OP)

Undoubtedly the most feared and hated among all the vendors you will ever meet. Sell high and buy low will always be their motto. Whatever you need they can procure it for you, but knowing you need it they raise the price instantly. That piece of armor you needed? Done, but for some reason other its more expensive by 30%, but you need it so you dish out. And news spreads, the overpriced value is now the normal price and people everywhere are forced to part with their hard earned allowance. How the explain why they lost a few thousand the other week is entirely up to them (I also fashion new stories for those in need of an excuse).

How to deal with them?

Pray that their virtual souls reside in a cesspit of badly done 2D games to be constantly eaten and regurgitated by a Zombie Mocomochi.

Imagine this eating you. Slowly.

You and the whole gaming world are screwed on this one.

Requests, suggestions on what I should blog on? Leave a comment of send me a message at flyff.fm.frau@gmail.com

Thanks to some of those creative FlyFFers who helped me with this, especially for that pic of the Zombie Mocomochi.